Organizing as a de-stresser!

Gah!  I went to the hardware store today and it’s like the Christmas Elves have been working non-stop since Halloween – the trees have sprouted twinkling lights, the stockings are hung on the fireplace displays and there may have been the gentle chimes of Christmas music over the loudspeaker!  I grabbed what I needed and bolted – I refuse to rock around the Christmas Tree just yet!  I’m not ready for this – I have so much still to do before I start thinking about the holidays - this stresses me out and I’m sure I’m not alone! 

When I got home, I did what I always do when I’m feeling stressed out and out of control – I tidy, organize and clean. (Yes, it’s weird, but hey – whatever works, right?). This gives me a sense of control and brings down my blood pressure and makes me feel like I have an handle on things. 

Because resisting the holiday onslaught is futile, I decided that I needed to do something to gently guide me down that road.  I decided that my project was going to be getting out my winter clothes.  Although I don’t do a full seasonal wardrobe swap, there are some items of clothing that just don’t work in off-seasons.  I have an old suitcase that I use to store them, and it lives in the back of my closet.  In the summer, it holds my thick sweaters, thermals, wool socks and the like.  In the winter, my light weight clothes make the move.  Living in Southern Ontario, Fall and Spring temperatures can fluctuate wildly, but I am quite confident that my linen trousers are not going to be needed until next year.  But, if a sunshine holiday comes up, I know where to find all my summer items!

Going through my winter clothes gave me another chance to joy-check them – do they still spark joy; am I looking forward to wearing them?  Most made the cut; the others will be donated before the cold weather really sets in so that someone else can benefit from them.  Switching out my clothes also gives me a chance to fine tune my closet – move around a few things, replace hangers, re-fold items, wipe down the shelves and generally spruce things up!

It only took about an hour and I’m grinning like the Cheshire cat at my closet!  It wasn’t always like this – a few years ago, just the thought of switching out my closet would have had me diving under the covers.  It would have been a full weekend project, if not more, and I would have put it off until the last feasible moment. 

I’ve spent so much time in the past just trying to keep up with my “stuff”. I had tried many times to get things organized, read loads of organizational hacks and thought I was doing a reasonably decent job of it.  A few years ago, when Marie Kondo hit the North American psyche, I read “The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up!”  Wow – it sounded like I’d finally hit on strategy that worked - I started folding like Marie Kondo and didn’t do much else. (I tried the cheat code version of a full Tidying Festival and surprise, surprise, it didn’t work).  I hadn’t really done a thorough KonMari® style tidy – I’d just been moving my clutter from room to room or putting it into boxes in the basement. Although my t-shirts looked great, it really was not life-changing. 

However, when the pandemic hit and I spent more and more time at home, the clutter started to get to me.  I picked up the book once again and really, really read it.  I then began my own Tidying Festival with a “why not?” attitude.  I came to the shocking realization that not only did I have so much around me that really didn’t Spark Joy®, but that my belongings were weighing me down physically and emotionally.  Once I completed my Tidying Festival - 3 months of work in between career, family, and life – I realized that it was, in fact, completely life changing.  I enjoyed my spaces more; I found things more quickly; and I didn’t buy things I already had! 

Being organized is a continual journey – it’s very rarely a one-and-done thing.  Life happens and messes things up, but having an organizational baseline makes it easier to get back.  Having things in order and where I can easily find them makes me less anxious.  By nature, I do sweat the small stuff.  I used to try and “let it go” but all that did was make me stressed about trying too hard not to be stressed.  I’ve just come to a time in my life where I’ve simply embraced it.  I love a simple, decluttered and organized space - having things in order and knowing where they are just helps me be calmer. At this point, it doesn’t take me very long to get it back to where I want it to be because I have a space for everything and everything has its space.

If you need me, I’ll be making my gifting list – but not listening to Christmas music.  That stuff makes me nuts!

Passing on organization skills to our children

The house is feeling empty again.  The background noise of a shlumpy teen with too-heavy footfalls, random laughter, unintelligible music and a general air of commotion has left to go back to university.  In the four months she’s been home, I’ve become accustomed to the dull roar and although it often drove me crazy, I already miss it. 

This year is different though.  She’s not living on campus in residence – she has an apartment with a friend.  And that brings a whole host of new challenges for her and worries for me.  Over the summer, we talked about setting up schedules for cleaning, meal-planning, grocery shopping, and paying bills.  She’s always been good about her academic schedule, but this living alone and looking after herself is a completely new layer of semi-adulthood and I’m finding myself questioning whether I’ve parented her well enough to give her a fighting chance.

I’m also trying to let go – let her make her choices and figure things out on her own.  Relinquishing control is not my strong suit though – but I’m trying! Through most of the summer she resisted the idea of me helping her set up some of these schedules.  (What the heck would I know?  I only do this for a living.) However, as moving-in day loomed ever closer, the reality of life on her own started to become clearer.  She was finally game for some help and I jumped all over it! (Maybe I’m not trying that hard!!!)

Most of the ideas below weren’t new to her – she’s participated in them most of her life.  But what was new is the reality of having to be the one responsible for them actually happening!

Meal Planning – work out your meals for the week and make your grocery list accordingly. The reality of what things cost is becoming a bit clearer and hopefully, with that comes a more mature attitude to being creative with less expensive food and not letting left-overs mould in the back of the fridge.

Set up a cleaning schedule between you and your roommate.  Do a bit each day so you’re not stuck doing it all on the weekend or before your mothers come to visit! I’m fairly worried about this – but maybe, just maybe, after a bit of time wondering why the cleaning fairy isn’t showing up, the cleansers, cloths and vacuum will be unearthed and utilized.  Hubs joked that he’s taken a CSI-esque photo of the vacuum cleaner to compare when we visit. 

Organize and note due dates for shared bills.  This is really important to get young adults on course to establish good credit and to understand the need to pay bills on time. 

Have a central place to share information with each other – This just makes co-habitation less stressful.  When both/everyone in the household knows what’s coming up, there are fewer surprises and misunderstandings.  To help them out, I made them a dry erase message board and calendar so that they can keep track of all the bits and pieces of their lives.  Let’s hope it’s put to good use!  (It’s the photo at the beginning of this blog).

Learning to be organized is an essential life skill, and more often than not, it something that needs to be practiced to become habit.  There’s only so much that our children will learn by watching – we may need to set them up for success by having multiple conversations, providing them with tools and being there when they need more help.  I’m hoping that she’s picked up some skills by sheer osmosis and others by listening to the advice I’ve tried to impart.  She’s a smart cookie and I’m confident that she’s on her way to a successful first year in her own little nest.

Fly little birdie, fly!

Top 5 Tips for Tidying and Decluttering with Kids

In the 25 years before I became a Professional Organizer, I worked with kids.  Lots and lots and lots of kids.  Kids of all ages; kids of various abilities; kids from a host of different backgrounds.  People are quick to tell you what children can’t do, but I have come to know what they CAN do! 

Without exception, they want to succeed. They want the approval of the people they care about the most. And, they can do amazing things with guidance, direction, humor and someone showing faith in them.

When it comes to getting them to declutter and tidy their spaces, they are often, shockingly, uninterested.  The keys are getting buy-in, setting a plan and being patient!

If you are on a mission to have your kids get their spaces in order, (after you have, of course, set a good example by getting YOUR spaces in order), here are my tips to getting it done!  Find your happy place, make a cup of tea and remember the journey is just as important as the destination!

1-      WHATS THE DEAL??  You need buy-in before you even get started.  What’s it going to be?  It has to have enough value to keep them motivated when they slump (and they will).  It has to be special enough to be worth working for. And, it has to be age appropriate. I suggest to parents that it should NOT be a thing (you are, after all, DEcluttering), but rather an experience.  Does your child like baseball - How about an hour with you at a batting cage?  Is your child artistic – how about an art lesson with a local painter?  Outdoorsy – day of fishing with you.  You get the idea.  Keep in mind that it should not be a toy or a game, it should be an experience - special time with you making memories.  (Pro tip – you never run out of storage space for fabulous memories!)  Whatever it is, you and your child need to agree on the reward before you even get started!

2-      WHEN IS THE FINISH DATE?? It shouldn’t be too soon, or you’ll both burn out trying.  But it shouldn’t be so far away that your child can’t imagine getting there, and you’ll be frustrated by not seeing the space done. Be realistic! If you’re tackling their room, 2-3 weeks is often a good mark.  Put that date on the calendar!  And if life gets in the way and you don’t think you’ll make it, you and your child can move the date to something more attainable.  This is good opportunity to teach your child that plans sometimes change and to help them learn to be collaborative.

3-      SET LIMITS ON SPACE!  Working with your child, determine how much space will be allocated to each set of items.  Clothes are relatively easy – things need to fit in closets and drawers.  But how much of the bookshelf is for books, games, collectables?  Where are the toys being stored?  Setting physical limits gives you and your child parameters for how much of each category they can keep and you can remind them of the limit without being the meanie.  “Sorry love, remember that WE decided that all the board games had to fit on the bottom shelf?  How are WE going to make that work?”  This strategy gives your child permission to change their mind about what they may want to keep, and lets you support decisions without having to make them.

4-      MANAGEABLE CHUNKS.  Most likely, your child won’t be able to get their room tidy in one day.  Many children don’t have the attention span or the stamina to do it one fell swoop!  Break up the tasks according to the amount of time you think your child can spend.  You want to end each session with a win, so start small, and add on if you can.  I suggest the following order, because it works from less emotional decision making to potentially more challenging, just like a KonMari® Tidying Festival… just made to work for kiddos.  By no means is this definitive, so feel free to move them around to best suit your child’s motivation.

A – Hanging clothes (hang and organize by activity – school clothes, athletic clothes, going out)

B – Folded clothes (depending on your child, you can teach them the KonMari® vertical fold, but keep like items together – t-shirts in one drawer, underwear and socks in another)

C – Paper – Books, art supplies, certificates

D – Toys, games and collectables

E – Sentimental items

5-      YOU DON’T GET A VETO! You’re there to support and guide.  If your child doesn’t want the sweater that Aunty Agnes knit them when they were 3, then your job is to decide if it goes in the “Discard” or “Donate” pile.  If YOU really love it so much, and it means so much to you, keep it - but it becomes YOUR possession to look after, not your child’s.  (And it still leaves their room)

This strategy of working with children is a modified way that I work with adult clients using the KonMari Method®.    But you know your child best.  Change and adjust these tips so that they can work for you and your child.    Remember that it’s not just about getting them to organize their room; you are starting to teach your child valuable life skills.  And, it’s likely not going to be a one and done!  It won’t be easy, but keep it light, and have fun spending some time together.

And, if you need some help, reach out! I’m here for a call, video-chat or in-person help!

Happy Tidying!